I happened to be at the dog park when Blond Ina and her friend Lois where there. I hadn’t seen them in a while and I don’t know them very well. But they are always entertaining.
Lois: Doctor, will you look at my foot?
Blond Ina: I don’t know if I should. My toe got infected.
Lois: How did it get infected?
BI: Well, I had my bunyon shaved off. And when that happened the third toe started growing over the top of the second one.
Lois: Can they fix it?
BI: Yes, they just have to operate on it again.
Lois takes off her shoe and sock and props her foot up on the park bench next to BI.
Lois: So what do you think?
BI: You need to have that bunyon shaved off.
Meanwhile, my dog goes over and licks Lois’ bare foot.
Me: Caesar, knock it off.
Lois: It’s okay, dogs have the cleanest tongues. Maybe it will have some healing property.
In my head I’m thinking, one no they don’t. Two, I’m more concerned about my dog licking your gross foot than I am about you getting an infection from my dog’s tongue.
Lois: How was your Easter?
BI: Pardon the expression but it was a friggin disaster.
Now I’m thinking, ‘AM I supposed to be offended by that?’ Because there was nothing in that sentence that warranted her saying “Pardon the expression.” When you use a disclaimer like that, you have to atleast throw out one swear word. I’d appreciate several.
Lois: Why? How did the rack of lamb turn out?
BI: I forgot to put out the mint jelly. So after dinner I was sexting Leroy apologizing for it.
Me: Who is Leroy?
BI: My daughter’s boyfriend.
ME: And you were sexting him?
BI: Yes. You know, on the phone. Sexting on the phone.
I want to tell her what sexting is but I don’t know her well enough so it’s not really my place. Besides, the thought of her sexting her daughter’s boyfriend makes the story worth listening to.